AS the school year wraps up and I have an increasingly light class load at my junior high school I have a lot of time to contemplate things as I sit at my desk. Recently I have been coming to the realization that I perhaps haven't used my time in the past year to it's fullest potential. I could blame this on a wide variety of reasons ranging from living away from Ayuko and all that entails to simply becoming tired of teaching, but I really only have myself to blame. This job is not demanding in the least and I feel I have allowed that to intrude upon my time outside of school. As I don't need to really put any effort into my workday, I similarily haven't put my full energy towards my life outside of school.

THIS is seen more in laziness than anything else and not really in the physical sense. I still go to the gym five to six days a week and have maintained and improved my physique while here, but I don't push myself to find new and exciting places to visit or things to do. I am merely content to let the days roll by as I count down the time until I can finally be with Ayuko again. This has really only developed since November when I learned that instead of being reunited with her in April as we thought, she would be moving to Germany for possibly two years. While I will be going there for several months starting this April I will be leaving her again to teach English in Korea for a year before we move to the states together. I have realized just how much my happiness depends upon her and luckily for me she feels the same way.

HOWEVER while it is easy to blame my lack of zest on our situation I have come to view that as the cowardly way to go about this. Yes I miss Ayuko and yes I will have to do another year without her, however I am not going to let that stain my remaining time here nor my time in Korea. It is solely up to me to keep myself entertained and I intend to do just that.

AS I saw in a movie recently, "When life gives you a bunch of lemons say, 'Fuck you!', and throw them away." I heartily agree with this sentiment and will be doing just that from now on. So fuck you life! o(^o^)o