I got a wedding invitation from my friend Erica today for her wedding in July. It really made me stop and think about just how removed I am from all that is happening back in the states both with friends and family, as well as just how far away I am. Due simply to the cost of flying home I won't be able to attend her wedding, just like I missed the wedding of one of my best college friends in May due to work and the price of flying home. While Erica's wedding happens to fall during my summer vacation, it is depressing to think that I won't be at the wedding of one of my best friends who I have known since eighth grade.
When I originally came to Japan it was with the intention of staying for my year contract and then returning home to go to graduate school. However that year has now turned into a year and a half and I will most likely be here for another two years or so. I never thought that when I decided to come here I would really be making the choice between experiencing the lives and celebrations of my friends and family back home as opposed to my own journey to find myself as a man. I still am almost paralyzed into disbelief when I think that I have and will most likely miss more of the weddings of my best friends, events that will ideally only occur once. I also have an uncle who will be getting remarried at some point and there is very little chance I will be able to come home for that as well.
At times I worry that people feel I don't come home for said celebrations out of some selfish motive, but that certainly isn't how I feel. At the end of the day it comes down to weighing two thousand dollars for one or two days back in the states with missing weddings, graduations, Christmas, etc. I know that people understand that I'm not just flying in from New York, but I know how easy it is for people to forget just how far away I am. I haven't come home for a year and a half at this point and while Ayuko and I are hoping to come home during Christmas/New Year's that could also change. At times my desires could be viewed as somewhat selfish as I simply want to experience the most I can from my time here in Japan and that often means spending my vacation time here in Japan and the surrounding countries.
At the end of the day I know my true friends and all of my family understand my decisions and only want me to get the most out of my time here as I possibly can. This knowledge is what allows me to truly feel free to exploit every opportunity I have here even if it means I might not be able to partake in celebrations back home.
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8 comments:
Chris- I am torn as to how to respond to this entry. I think your time in Japan has been a good thing for you- I like the man I see when we skype, I like reading your blog and I am impressed with your growth. I am glad you have this time in your life to explore both yourself and the world. I think it is good to "seize the day" as they say and I can understand you wanting to explore Japan and the surrounding area. A part of me has always regretted that when Dad and I were in Michigan that we didn't take more advantage of that area and the eastern US. We were much closer to the east coast, yet with the exception of one trip to Toronto for a w/e, we spent our vacations traveling home. I missed home a lot and it did my heart good to be surrounded by family again. But we missed out on some exploration that we have never been able to do again due to work and family commitments. So, I understand you wanting to spend your vacation exploring Japan. That said, I would be less than honest if I didn't say that I wish your journey to find yourself as a man hadn't taken you so far away from home and for so long. That's the selfish part of me talking. The unselfish part says "Go for it, be safe and have fun."
I love you,
Mom and the family still at home
I agree with mom. I'm super glad you are doing so much in Japan and becoming who you need and want to be. I love reading your blog. But I really miss you a lot too. It's not the same with you gone. I just hope that you won't always be in Japan or far away. I know that sounds selfish but you're my hero and I miss you
Greg
Chris...with age comes wisdom. You made a choice, and are living with the reality of that choice....good for you. You are missed so much but, as you said, those who know you understand. I look forward to seeing you, but I also look forward to reading you...glad you're back...I missed this ! Love, Aunt Mary
Ditto Aunt Mary, Chris - it's clear from your writing that your journey outward has also taken you inward - the only place to start, really. As you said, those who hold you in their hearts always will always understand.
love ya,
Lizanne
I don't know what everyone else is talking about but for me its been great with you gone. Nobody eats all the food at home anymore, crowds my space, or tries to imitate my every move. In reality Chris we both know that we all have our fingers crossed that you somehow get stuck in Japan. I'm sorry that I had to tell you all this but I didn't think it was healthy for your already enormous head to swell even more with the thoughts that we all missed you back here.
- Matt -
I don't miss him - I get more to eat at every gathering.
Plus he smells like Rhino butt.
Josh
Chris,
It´s amazing to think that we have both been out of the 'ol U.S. for a year and a half now (well, I went back for 10 days for Patrick´s graduation last month, but anyway). You in Japan, me in Chile. What´s wrong with us? Haha. Your entry about being paralyzed by airline prices really struck home! I can´t go to anyone´s wedding either! My college roommate and her college boyfriend are marrying eachother in 2 weeks, and I can´t go. It really hurts to think that I won´t EVER be able to make up for it because these things only happen once, like you said. I guess I could photoshop myself into the wedding party pics with all my college roommates and friends, right? Right. Photoshop or $1,500?Photoshop it is. My boyfriend, Francisco, has already told me he can´t fly with me to go to the U.S. for Christmas this year because the ticket is $2,000 and rising. Sucks. But, to repeat what you already said, we´re having our own adventures and building our own lives. Everyone else back home is doing the same, and they´re not waiting for us. Life keeps on moving, and fast. We´re moving fast too, and that´s just as it should be. I hope you and Ayuko can make it back for Christmas, I´d love to swap abroad stories! Best Wishes from across the world! -Meg
You´re inspiring me to restart by blog...let´s see if I can get it together. Keep the entries coming!
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